It is becoming more important than ever to be able to bounce back. Here are some ways to do it.
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My dad took me, my best friend, and our neighbor to California’s Yosemite Valley, Half Dome, to Clouds Rest Mountain and back.
We finally mutinied halfway up Clouds Rest on wobbly legs, besieged with mosquitoes, the second day. My father was not happy with the situation. We all agreed to quit. Clouds Rest was unknown to anyone and no one had the desire to visit the top.
“OK, I get it,” Dad said. “You guys should stay here. Erik, let’s go.”
There was no need to argue. My only memory of Clouds Rest is still the blue sky that I saw. It was a place where I felt like I was floating on my back and prayed for a quick death. Later, I described the hike to be an incredible victory of teenage over nature. This is probably why my dad encouraged me to go.
Dad believed in the concept resilience. This is the ability to face a challenge, risk, or impediment and emerge with some degree of success. It is a psychological principle that combines optimism, flexibility and problem-solving with motivation. It’s the job that you do through sheer determination, or against a better team. Or the climb to the top that makes you want to strangle your dad. It was what Dad called “character.”
It is about being able to bounce back, even in difficult times. However, that doesn’t mean it’s about survival,” Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg said. He is a pediatrician who wrote the book “Building Resilience for Children and Teens” by the American Academy of Pediatrics. “Resilient people don’t just bounce back but thrive in the worst of times.”
In the last year and a quarter, resilience has been more crucial to our society than ever. I have never been more determined to pass that on to my son. Although he may not be able to climb mountains, he will still face a variety of challenges, including disappointments and pandemics. His life will be difficult if he doesn’t learn to accept the inevitable.
Experts agree that resilience can be nurtured, fostered and developed in children as young as possible. It is easy to create a foundation and then find the challenges that will help kids succeed.
A solid foundation is essential for ensuring stability and safety.
It’s not about putting children in the deep end to see if their swimming skills are up to the task. It’s about providing them with the support they need every day.
Ann Masten, a psychologist professor at the University of Minnesota and a pioneer in the study of resilience in children, said that “having a relationship with caring parents is far and away one of the most powerful protective factors for children.”
Before children can take on risks and learn how to bounce back, they need to feel secure. A child who falls off a bicycle and cuts her elbow is not going to be able to get back on her feet. It’s best to let her know that she is loved regardless of what.
Dr. Masten stated that resilience is not a single trait but a combination of many, including flexibility, confidence, and societal support such as schooling and health care. The most important thing is that children feel safe, supported and loved. You need to have a safe shelter in order to weather the storms.
Your child should model these behaviors.
It is important to teach your child resilience .
Dr. Ginsburg stated, “When you’re on a plane there’s turbulence. You don’t look at that guy next to you who is hysterical.” “You look at flight attendants to see if you’re still getting snack mix.”
You lose your temper when your child refuses to go bed, breaks your grandmother’s heirloom teapot, or just plain freaking out. Your grandmother only says that it’s okay to have a fight when things go wrong.
Although it can be difficult, especially if you suspect your child is misbehaving in some way, managing your emotions will help your child learn to control them.
Dr. Masten stated, “You’re always teaching by the way you handle things yourself.” “What parents do when they are upset is what their children observe.”
Take advantage of the small challenges.
You would likely see the word resilience on a poster with a photo of someone climbing a mountain or fighting a forest fire, or tending to patients in a Covid Ward. It’s actually the little disappointments and frustrating moments that really build resilience.
Let’s suppose your child returns from school with a “F” in math. You know that he didn’t study hard for this assignment. Instead of blaming him for being lazy, you can focus on the cause and effect. He didn’t study enough and wasn’t prepared — and how he can improve next time. Resilience is built on the concept of cause and effect.
Encourage your child to stretch.
When a child feels secure, supported, and has an example of resilience, it is time to push her.
Tyler Fish believes resilience is the delicate balance between success or failure. Mr. Fish is an outdoor education company Outward Bound’s employee. He helps to set educational priorities for youth backpacking, canoeing and dog-sledding trips around the globe. Fish, who is a 25-year veteran of Outward Bound and a former instructor, said that resilience is a principle which helps them improve the lives of children from all backgrounds.
Mr. Fish stated, “It’s more than being tough. That’s not resilience.” Fish stated. Fish said, “It’s all about trying things you don’t know you can do.” You can do it with others.
To teach canoeing, he will first put a child in a boat and see if they can get it to work. After some frustration, he will give some instructions and let her try again. He then repeats the process, so she can have success and fail. The same goes for other lessons such as teamwork, friendship, and leadership.
Dr. Masten stated that one of the greatest skills in parenting is being able to know when and how to challenge. There is no right or wrong way to build resilience.
Three weeks ago, I had the perfect opportunity to show resilience to my 5-year old son. We had booked a campsite in Colorado’s Rocky Mountain National Park, just four miles from the trailhead. After two days of walking the trail, I thought back to my dad and those mornings digging rocks from oatmeal.
We arrived to find that the next 48 hours would be rife with thunderstorms, downpours, and even a flood warning. It was a great opportunity to develop resilience and endurance as we could walk for hours in the rain.
My wife reminded me that those trips were in my teens, and our kindergartner wants to go on vacation with his parents. We cancelled the hike and went to the Zoo. Then we spent the night in a nice hotel, watching a super hero movie. The downpour death march will be saved for another day. It seems that teaching resilience has its limits.
