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“A year later we were still together: me, Larry and the cigarettes. The Larry and me part was great. The cigarettes part, not so good.”
What are your dating non-negotiables? For Hyla Sabesin Finn, it was smoking — or so she thought.
Hyla met Larry in college. She was 17; he was a 21-year-old law student, puffing away outside the library. Hyla had been “indoctrinated by parents whose cocktail parties were littered with ‘no smoking’ signs back when smokers still mingled freely in society,” she wrote in her 2005 Modern Love essay. In spite of this, she was smitten.
Today’s episode explores how our standards can evolve (if at all) when it comes to love. Our host, Anna Martin, calls up her friends to ask about their deal breakers. Plus, we get to hear from Hyla and Larry, who’ve now been married for 35 years.
Hosted by: Anna Martin
Produced by: Julia Botero, Hans Buetow and Anna Martin
Edited by: Sara Sarasohn
Executive Producer: Wendy Dorr
Engineered by: Elisheba Ittoop
Original Music: Marion Lozano
Theme Music: Dan Powell
Essay by: Hyla Sabesin Finn
Read by: January Lavoy
Founder, Modern Love: Daniel Jones
Editor, Modern Love Projects: Miya Lee
Special thanks: Mahima Chablani, Renan Borelli, Jeffrey Miranda, Julia Simon, Lisa Tobin, Sam Dolnick and Ryan Wegner at Audm. And thanks to Aaron Edwards, Claire Bartholomew, Mira Dalal, Annabelle Newport, Ang Ziqi Zhang, Dora Grossman-Weir, Randa Sakallah, Harry Krinsky, Dave Immerman, Abby Sessions, Raquel Ledezma Haight, Shruti Gujaran, Will Sano and his new cat, Mia.
Thoughts? Email us at modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com.
