We can wait for normal life to return, or we can just start living.
The 7 p.m. screening of “The Worst Person in the World” at the cinema down the street was pretty packed the other night. Couples on dates, groups of friends, solo showgoers who got there early to snag good seats. How many were seeing their first movie outside the house in months, or years?
I went to the movies because going to the movies is, theoretically, enjoyable. It’s one of the activities that, before the languishing set in, was central to my idea of a life well lived. I went because I was attempting to practice behavioral activation, the theory that your actions can influence your mood, which the executive coach Brad Stulberg wrote about recently in The Times. When motivation is in short supply, “you shift the focus to getting started with what you have planned in front of you,” he wrote, “taking your feelings, whatever they may be, along for the ride.”
Taking my feelings to the movies was, on balance, successful. Being in an audience, emoting in concert, even squeezing past the bitter-enders in my row who sat all the way through the credits, felt good. It felt like a two-hour workout for my weakened living-life muscles.
With the hubris of a weekend warrior who completes one strenuous session at the gym and signs up for a Tough Mudder, I resolved to hit a museum the next day. “You don’t need to feel good to get going,” Stulberg told my colleague Lindsay Crouse last year. “You need to get going to give yourself a chance to feel good.”
In the tidy narrative I’d like to tell, the following afternoon finds me wandering MoMA, awakening to the healing power of art. Instead, I couldn’t get out the door. Going to a museum on a Tuesday was impractical, I reasoned; I had work to do. But going to a museum is a treat, behaviorally activating me countered. It seemed absurd that I needed to grit my teeth to engage in something that was supposed to be fun.
Stulberg cautions against being your own drill sergeant. His advice isn’t to force yourself to live, no matter what, but rather to begin by “reflecting on what matters to you most, what provides you with a sense of well-being and groundedness.”
So I skipped the museum. Instead, I called my friend Andy, a clinical psychologist. For a lot of people, she said, the key isn’t making themselves do things that they think they should be doing, but being in contact with and getting comfort from others.
Of course. The part about going to the movies that was so thrilling was not the film itself (although it was as good as I’d heard) but being around other humans, tearing up at the end and realizing that the people on either side of me were sniffling, too.
And so it made sense that the best part of my week wasn’t any generic cultural outing, but the virtual documentary-watching party some friends and I have held since the pandemic began. A weekly video date, it’s equal parts watching and socializing. I thought we’d switch to in-person meet-ups once it was safe to do so, but now I’m not so sure. What started as a substitute for socializing has become a source of joy in its own right.
For More
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Allison P. Davis predicted a “vibe shift” in a New York Magazine story that made the rounds this week.
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What’s the opposite of languishing? Flourishing.
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Here’s a primer on in-person socializing, in case you’re feeling rusty.
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Renate Reinsve, the star of “The Worst Person in The World,” is navigating newfound fame.
WEEKENDS ARE FOR …
🏓 Sports: Pickleball is growing popular.
🎭 Theater: “Sleep No More,” the dark participatory show based on “Macbeth,” reopened in New York.
🖼 Museums: An exhibition on architects who redefined the postcolonial era in South Asia opens tomorrow at MoMA.
🧘 Stress relief: What to do about signs of burnout.
THE WEEK IN CULTURE
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Wanda Sykes, Amy Schumer and Regina Hall will host the Oscars.
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The satirist P.J. O’Rourke, who died this week, “appeared to be having a better time, and doing better drugs, than everyone else,” our critic writes.
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Wordle offers some of the same pleasures as hip-hop, Will Dukes writes in Rolling Stone.
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Worsening political divisions helped doom the Capitol Steps, the comedy troupe that gently poked at Washington, The Washington Post Magazine reports.
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“Alcarràs,” about peach farmers in Spain, won the top prize at the Berlin International Film Festival.
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Bloody or sparse? Choose the Macbeth film that suits you, Chris Vognar writes in The Los Angeles Times.
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Roy Kent (OK, Brett Goldstein) hung out with Oscar the Grouch.
THE LATEST NEWS
The Ukraine Crisis
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The U.S. heightened its warnings of an imminent Russian attack on Ukraine. Follow our updates.
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Vice President Kamala Harris warned Russia leaders that the West would target “those who are complicit” in any invasion.
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Eastern Ukrainians cowered as shells blew out windows and hit schools and homes.
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Russia’s troop buildup could be a sign that Vladimir Putin has become more reckless, some analysts say.
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How did Ukraine become a flash point? Your questions, answered.
Other big stories
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The former Minnesota police officer who shot to death Daunte Wright was sentenced to two years in prison.
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The police in Ottawa arrested dozens to try to end weeks of gridlock caused by protests of Covid restrictions.
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The ousted CNN executive Allison Gollust had discussed interview topics with former New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo.
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The pandemic seems to be easing its grip on the economy, but disruptions persist.
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A sealed legal case against a society-pages fixture prompted complaints of two-tiered justice in a wealthy Connecticut town.
REAL ESTATE
What you get for $1.8 million: A contemporary house in Stoneham, Maine; a midcentury modern in Pasadena, Calif.; or a pueblo-style retreat in Santa Fe, N.M.
The Hunt: They wanted to move uptown for more space. Which home did they choose? Play our game.
Garage doors: Order them first — they’re holding up home building.
Homeownership alternatives: What to know about rent-to-own leases and other nontraditional options.
FOOD
On paper: Food writing is about much more than food, Ligaya Mishan writes.
Orange chicken: The fruit peel can be as important as the juice.
London hot spot: A cafe run by the family of the designer Simone Rocha has become a hangout for the fashion world.
Crumb cake: Bake a layer good enough to eat on its own.
Tomato advice: Resist fertilizing too early and time indoor seed-sowing carefully.
LIVING
Dolls welcome: The American Girl Cafe has become an unlikely party spot for 20-somethings.
Butterfly effect: A ’90s fashion staple is back on the runway.
Speaking of marriage: Couples are embracing less heteronormative terms.
Reclaiming focus: How to get your attention span back.
Get weird: Dance class is in session; time to flail.
GAME OF THE WEEKEND
N.B.A. slam dunk contest: It’s All-Star weekend for the N.B.A. The festivities go beyond basketball; celebrities pack the stands, and the musical lineup rivals the Super Bowl. But the highlight remains the slam dunk contest. The formula hasn’t changed in decades — contestants dunk, judges hold up score cards — but the jams seem to get more elaborate every year. Will there be costumes? Will someone jump over a car? 8 Eastern tonight on TNT.
For more:
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The Athletic breaks down the night’s events, which also include the three-point contest.
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Pitchfork previews the star-studded musical performances.
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Connie Hawkins was one of the greatest players Brooklyn had ever seen. Here’s why you’ve never heard of him.
NOW TIME TO PLAY
The pangram from yesterday’s Spelling Bee was meatloaf. Here is today’s puzzle — or you can play online.
Here’s today’s Wordle. And take the news quiz to see how well you followed this week’s headlines.
If you’re in the mood to play more, here are all our games.
Before You Go …
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Don’t miss Tavi Gevinson interviewing Stevie Nicks.
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If you have free time, why not name a random color?
Thanks for spending part of your weekend with The Times. — Melissa
Claire Moses, Ian Prasad Philbrick, Tom Wright-Piersanti, Ashley Wu and Sanam Yar contributed to The Morning. You can reach the team at themorning@nytimes.com.
