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“I thought I had a classic fear of commitment, but I knew it was more complicated.”
Three months into the coronavirus pandemic, Haili Blassingame was crafting an email to her boyfriend of five years, Malcolm, with the subject line “My Terms.” She wanted to break up.
Haili had met Malcolm in college. At first she was “giddy about the cute guy with the deep voice who looked like Obama,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay. But as they started dating, she found that their identities were intertwining and people were treating them differently just because they called themselves girlfriend and boyfriend.
Haili longed for love but also for freedom and autonomy. Today’s episode explores Haili’s journey to nonmonogamy — and how, as a Black woman, she’s navigated the expectations of her family and friends. Then we hear from Haili herself.
Hosted by: Anna Martin
Produced by: Julia Botero, Tally Abecassis, Hans Buetow and Anna Martin
Edited by: Sara Sarasohn
Executive Producer: Wendy Dorr
Engineered by: Elisheba Ittoop
Theme Music: Dan Powell
Essay by: Haili Blassingame
Read by: Shayna Small
Founder, Modern Love: Daniel Jones
Editor, Modern Love Projects: Miya Lee
Special thanks: Mahima Chablani, Renan Borelli, Jeffrey Miranda, Julia Simon, Lisa Tobin, Sam Dolnick and Ryan Wegner at Audm.
Thoughts? Email us at modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com.
